in my head

seems fitting at the moment.


Black Friday

Have you ever been close to death? I have.

If you’ve known me long enough you’ll know the story.

I don’t feel like going into details.

But in the moment of that choice did I regret making it?

That is the question I pondered Friday.

Did I in those seconds before blacking out regret trying to kill myself?

No. I did not. I wished to die. I wanted to die. I still want that to be.

We make a choice in life and maybe that choice lives with us always.

Maybe there are those who are never meant to be here.

And maybe, just maybe, I am one of those people.

It all just keeps piling, brick upon brick, upon my chest, lungs, throat and heart.

I feel that weight squeezing the life out of me.

Put me out of my misery. Please.

job interview

I went to a job interview and left with my fingertips red and dizzy. I don’t like being stressed and being that panicky is bothersome. But I did it. I got through it-now onto the wait game.

Life’s Cage

As I get older time gets shorter.

As my life gets shorter I get more confused.

Was I not to head somewhere?

Was I not meant for something more?

Where are you, love?

Where are you, security?

Where are you, independence?

I get older and my time gets shorter.

I’ve lost and yet…trapped.

Trapped in a life that doesn’t want me.