seems fitting at the moment.
Have you ever been close to death? I have.
If you’ve known me long enough you’ll know the story.
I don’t feel like going into details.
But in the moment of that choice did I regret making it?
That is the question I pondered Friday.
Did I in those seconds before blacking out regret trying to kill myself?
No. I did not. I wished to die. I wanted to die. I still want that to be.
We make a choice in life and maybe that choice lives with us always.
Maybe there are those who are never meant to be here.
And maybe, just maybe, I am one of those people.
It all just keeps piling, brick upon brick, upon my chest, lungs, throat and heart.
I feel that weight squeezing the life out of me.
Put me out of my misery. Please.
I went to a job interview and left with my fingertips red and dizzy. I don’t like being stressed and being that panicky is bothersome. But I did it. I got through it-now onto the wait game.
As I get older time gets shorter.
As my life gets shorter I get more confused.
Was I not to head somewhere?
Was I not meant for something more?
Where are you, love?
Where are you, security?
Where are you, independence?
I get older and my time gets shorter.
I’ve lost and yet…trapped.
Trapped in a life that doesn’t want me.
I am done posting my videos here, which means that I probably won’t post at all. I know it isn’t being watched through here and so it is just a waste.